Most Certainly Not

The Results Are In...

Looks like I'll need to change my category to "I'm a Lawyer" rather than "Make Me a Lawyer, Please."

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have You Tried This Stuff Yet??

I finally gave in to the kitchy ad campaigns from the Laughing Cow for the following snacks and could not be more pleased.  They are awesome!  Have you tried them yet?

First up is mini-Babybel cheese.  My favorite variety so far is the cheddar version in the orang wrappers.  Although the classic variety in the red wrappers comes in a close second.  These are GOOD!  And, they only have around 70 calories or so, depending on the variety you select.

They are fun to eat too because they come wrapped in a little red wax casing that you have to remove prior to chowing down...I consider that quite enough effort for food prep, don't you?  M1 introduced me to these (probably has them at her dad's) and they've made an appearance in our grocery cart since.

The other Laughing Cow product I've been enjoying this week is the Light French Onion variety of the line.  These little triangles of goodness come in a circular, flat container.  The individual triangles make perfect snack when spread on crackers (especially good on multi-grain Club crackers!) and at only 35 calories a wedge, you can have this snack for only 2 Weight Watchers' points, if you count such things.  They are GOOD.

I haven't had the best of appetites, especially this week, so these little cheese snacks have come in handy.  I have had a triangle of the french onion kind at lunchtime and not been hungry again until dinner.  They are filling, even if you don't use that many crackers.  There are lots of varieties of this version as well, but I've only tried the Light French Onion variety so far and will  likely stick with it.  Why fix something that isn't broken after all?

Pair either of these choices with an apple and it's even more perfect.

Anyone else trying new things that they care to share in comments?  I'm always on the lookout for snack food that isn't rotting out teeth, clogging arteries, or adding to the love handles.  Do share!

I'm Alright...Don't Nobody Worry 'Bout Me...

Good old Kenny Loggins.  He sure does know how to create an earworm or two.  This line as well as the Eagles' "...don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy" have been running through my head a ton today. 

Isn't it weird how you plow through time toward a destination and then once you're on the brink, you kind of slam on your brakes a la Fred Flintstone and watch the dust fly around your bare feet?  I feel like I need to do that at this moment--look around, take stock and remember these moments before all heck could break loose that I have so much going right in my life, I shouldn't complain.

First, I have two of the most beautiful and vivacious children God ever created.  They are so brave.  The fact that M1 has joined her school's 4th grade girls' basketball team and actually loves it is not only surprising, but also inspiring.  She went from not wanting to join because she was "scared of the ball" to taking a chest pass in the face and not missing a beat.  She's talking about 'boxing out' and such things now.  She also has a boy whom she adores and who is crazy about her it appears.  I'm not sure I'm ready for broken hearts, but I distinctly remember the boy I fell in love with in 3rd grade and his family moving in the middle of 4th...I thought I'd never be the same.  He wrote to me exactly one time.  I probably still have that letter (written in pencil no less) somewhere.  M2 is coming into her own in kindergarten.  Her personality is blossoming and so are her other skills.  She is so fun right now.

Second, I have a wonderful husband...even if there are days when I can barely contain my desire to throttle him.  I am kind of proud of the way I have been able to keep myself together (for the most part) since taking the bar.  The past two years have been immensely hard on my ego and the perception I have of myself.  And, on those days when I'm not so okay, he steps up.  His vision of me, he will tell you, has not wavered.  He routinely tells me how proud he is of me and how he knows that something really terrific is coming soon.  Even when I tell him he's full of shinola, he lists my positives even when I don't feel  like hearing them.  He will be the first to admit that he needs a swift kick sometimes, but I think things would be pretty boring without him.

Third, I have learned a lot about myself over the past couple months.  I have had PLENTY of quiet time to sit, be still, and listen.  That is one of the hardest things for me.  Next hardest to that is admitting that I am not in control of many things.  Allowing things to rest in someone else's hands, even if those hands belong to the Guy Upstairs is not easy for me.  I've moved from that for several years now and realized this is probably not the best move I've ever made.  Not like I have this all figured out in any respect, but it certainly is good to be aware of my tendencies to hang onto things for dear life rather than just letting go.

And, finally, I have discovered the beauty of friendship.  I have had so many people reach out over the past couple months to encourage me, offer words of support and prayers and even now, I've been receiving calls, comments and e-mail wishing me luck for Friday.  That's so nice!  I'm usually 'that girl' for other people and even though I've been distracted from my 'that girl' duties lately, it is nice to know there are people in my life who can be all that for me. 

For this moment, I am okay no matter what happens Friday.

Let's be serious, though, if my name isn't on that list, all bets are momentarily off...but I'm chronicling this moment of Zen-ness to remind myself I am okay.

I promise I will give you the lowdown as soon as I know.

I'm With the Elephant

The girls' school will be having a mock election on November 4th.  There are campaign posters all over the school that the kids have made in support of their favorite candidates or issues on the ballot.  It has generated a lot of talk in the house about candidates and issues.  M1 has been reading a lot and discussing things in her fourth grade understanding.  M2 has been trying to delineate between the two Presidential candidates...(the one with the white hair?) and asking for definitions of words like campaign, candidate, etc.

On the way home from school today, the subject of the mock election came up again.

M2 asked, "Do we have to vote for who our Moms and Dads do?"

M1 and I told M2 she could vote for whomever she wants. 

M2 said, "I don't know...maybe the one with white hair...or the one with brown skin.  I can't decide."

I said, "M2, we shouldn't choose our President based on what the person looks like.  We have to vote for the person we think will represent us best and make the best decisions...or, at the very least, not mess things up more than it already is."

After a few moments of silence from the backseat, M2 says with determination:

"I'M WITH THE ELEPHANT."

Wouldn't that make a great t-shirt?

Geez. Enough Already.

If I were hearing these events as a story about someone else or as the plotline of an unbelievable sitcom, I might laugh.  But, because these things are happening in my life, in real time, in wave after wave, I kind of just stand around with an incredulous look on my face and try very hard to refrain from asking, "What next?!"  I honestly do NOT want that question answered.

As if waiting for bar results since the end of July weren't enough.  Now, it seems the entire universe is conspiring to 'really give it to me good' in the days leading up to the release of the results.

Making it to Friday is scary enough let alone with the days in between where people and things can take the opportunity to kick you a good one.

Aside from the bar exam results, we have what the Army is euphemistically calling "a change in your soldier's schedule" on the horizon.  This "change" really screws the pooch in a number of areas including, but not limited, my job search, our finances, and the ultimate size of our family.

Additionally this week, I have had the joy of having my heart ripped out, wadded up, tossed on the ground and stomped in regard to what I thought would be our family's journey into international adoption.  It has left me feeling very empty and betrayed and hurt.  No other way to describe that.  And, of all the crappy things going on right now, this is one thing I think I will be taking to my grave.  Not sure how one forgives and forgets something like that.  My favorite part of this particular scenario is, however, that apparently, this is not something I should be upset about anymore...you know after a day or two.  It's simply the best to lay it all out there only to have someone nod, pat you on the head and then ask you to please start acting like your old self immediately so as to make things less uncomfortable for him.

Today, I received a rejection letter from one of the two jobs I was a little optimistic about given that I had a friend on the 'inside' who passed along my resume and talked me up to the people doing the hiring.  Nice timing.

If this is someone's idea of a nice setup for the eventual trip to the state's Supreme Court website and not seeing my name, I could have done without it all, thanks.

Honestly, I'm thinking many people I know would be sitting in a sunroom somewhere eating Knox blocks and making lovely finger paintings if this were the kind of life they were having.

My Favorite Season

Although it is bitterly chilly today and I actually heard someone mention "snow" on the radio today, I'm trying to remind myself that I actually do love fall best.  If for nothing else than football and apples, I would find it hard to replace my love of fall.

M2 loves the color green.  She, by default, loves Granny Smith apples.  Sometimes, she will eat an entire bag of them between grocery trips.  Other times, I will buy a half dozen that sit in the fruit bowl, all lonely and waiting. 

I had three such apples toward the end of last week.

I had tried to cajole M2 several times into finishing them off before they became "wiggly", but no such luck.

I poked around in the kitchen and realized I probably had all the ingredients on hand to throw together an apple crisp.  This is ALSO one of my favorite things about fall...apple crisp.  Um, YUM!

I have the perfect baking dish for this number of apples.  It is not too big and not too small.  And,  because it's Le Creuset, it never fails to churn out perfectly baked whatever-I-put-in-it. 

Never mind that it's the same color as the apples.  That's just a bonus.  You also should not be disillusioned that  Miss Picky even ATE any of the perfectly delicious apple crisp.  M2's ability to avoid anything tasty is amazing.  She should be really healthy except that many of the things on her approved food list are completely unhealthy.  Ugh.

Just in case you have some apples (or pears or whatever) lying around and want to put together a crisp of you own, here is the recipe straight from the Better Homes and Gardens "New" Cookbook [which really is quite old given how long I've had it].

Fruit Crisp

5 c. sliced, peeled apples (or pears, peaches, apricots OR frozen unsweetened peach slices, thawed but not drained)-- or, whatever fits in your super cute baker

2 - 4 TBSP sugar

1/2 c. regular rolled oats

1/2 c. packed brown sugar

1/4 c. all-purpose flour

1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg, ginger or cinnamon [I used both cinnamon and nutmeg]

1/4 c. margarine or butter

1/4 c. chopped nuts or coconut [I skipped this]

Place fruit in your baking dish.  Stir in sugar.

For topping, in a mixing bowl, combine oats, brown sugar, flour, and nutmeg, ginger, or cinnamon.  Cut in margarine or butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.  Stir in nuts or coconut.  Sprinkle topping over filling.

Bake in 375-degree oven for 30-35 minutes or until fruit is tender and topping is golden. 

A MCN Poll: How To Spend the Night Before Results

Ok.  Enough Debbie Downer for today.  If God decides that I am to be a Mom to this little girl in Ethiopia, it will happen...whether Hubs knows it or not.  So, I'll let the Big Guy do the heavy lifting on that front and try to distract myself for the remainder of the week.

I have a few ways in mind to make it through the final 12 hours before bar exam results are released on Friday morning around 7:30 a.m.

You can vote in comments (or make your own suggestions).

Here are your choices:

1)  Spend the evening curled in the fetal position, rocking in corner...

2)  Go to a local Mexian restaurant for karaoke night...

3)  Watch a Netflix movie and have a glass of wine...

4)  Take a double dose of Benadryl and sleep until Friday afternoon...

How would/did you spend the night before bar results were released?

Radio Silent

I fully planned on going radio silent on Friday until I knew the results of the bar.  I didn't want anyone calling me and ruining it...regardless of whether it's good news or bad.

It's funny how you think you have things all planned out or you have any clue about what the worst thing in the world would feel like.  Ooooo, not pass the bar exam and have to take it again.  Oh, yeah. That would be the worst.

You'd think at 36, I'd have realized that tempting fate with a constant thought that aggressive and confidently negative, I was setting myself up for a BIG mess.

Nope.

Didn't even think about it.

I'm into Day Three of self-imposed radio silence.  I have listened to more songs on my iPod in the past three days than I have since I got the damned thing.  Luckily, the girls have been visiting various friends and hanging out doing fun things together.  Mommy is not in the mood.

Not sure whom to thank...the Universe...Karma...God, but you know, geez, thanks a TON for reminding me in a rather stab-to-your-heart, boot-to-the-crotch, shove-you-off-a-cliff kind of fashion that there are way worse things than not passing the damn bar exam. 

I can't guarantee there will be anything else to see here before Friday.  So much I could write, but if I make it to the other side of this before I croak, I'm sure I do not want to remember it unless by not doing so it would repeat itself at some point.

And, no.  My husband has not been unfaithful.  That would be an EASY fix.  The ultimate deal breaker. 

There are worse things, I guess because I used to think that was the worst too.

Wow.  I can't stop myself from trying to set up the 'worst' scenario only to be surprised.

Wish me luck.  I'm headed to Super Wal-Mart because I don't have a choice.  And we all know how I feel about Super Wal-Mart.

If I Don't Make It To Next Friday...

would someone please check to see if my name is on the list of people who passed the bar exam?  Thanks in advance.

I, honestly, have not been thinking about next Friday as obsessively as one might think I would.  Heck, I've even surprised myself at how little I think about it right now.  Unfortunately, the rest of my body isn't falling in line with this little charade my mind is playing on it.  I doubt it helps that anytime I am in a room full of people I am asked no less than a dozen times (sometimes by the same person more than once) when the results will be released.  So, whether I want to or not, I'm constantly reminding myself that we are seven days from knowing whether or not I can conclusively prove that law school was the single worst decision I have ever made in my entire life.

The human body is a mysterious thing.  For the past couple weeks, I've noticed that I'm losing a TON of hair every time I shampoo, brush or even move my hair in any way.  And, now that I see the part in my hair is MUCH deeper than it should be, I'm kind of freaked out regarding the shedding.  It reminds me of the great fallout one experiences when their hormones hit rock bottom after having a kid.  Eeks!

Add to that the immense and irritating ITCHING that has taken over my entire person and you have a really fun combo.  My arms, neck, backs of my knees, underarms and scalp just ITCH.  I can't see any rash unless I look super, super close which makes this even more fun when I realize I'm in public and want to pick up anything I can get my hands on and just grind it all over my torso to make the itching STOP.  God, it's annoying.  Hives are so not cool.  Maybe I'll try taking some Benedryl today and see if I can knock this back a bit.  It's very distracting.

As all good bloggers would, I already have a draft of a post in my mind for each scenario.  Funny how if I pass, I'll likely only write a couple lines, but should I fail, I have a HUGE dissertation on suckatude all planned in my brain.

It could be an interesting week.

HSM 3? WT??

I have been informed that High School Musical 3 debuts in theaters this week.  I have not seen HSM 1 or 2, but I know M1 has watched both enough for this entire household.  I received an e-mail from M2's bestest friend, Abby, and her mom today asking us if M2 and I wanted to join them at an afternoon showing this Friday.

I decided to go for it and ask M1 to invite a friend.

When M1 relayed this information to M2, I heard M2 say, "Are you serious?!"  Yeah, I'm kinda behind the curve on having friends over to our house.

The girls have early dismissal this Friday at 1:30.  I'm putting myself out there and offering to pick up M1's friend, bring her to our house, take her to the movie and then to basketball practice with M1 where her mom can pick her up.  I'm thankful to be able to do this because this family (both parents are attorneys) have had M1 over SO MANY TIMES in the past two years and I have been unable to reciprocate thanks to the law school time suck.  They never made me feel guilty for being unable to repay the favors they did for me because they, better than anyone, understood my plight.

Hubs is on vacation this week so we will be doing some cleaning up tomorrow to make the house company ready.  It feels good to be at a point where I can return a favor and although I cannot be nearly as cool as this girl's mom, I hope to not embarrass M1 too much.

Is it sad that I'm already thinking about what I am going to wear to the movies with my daughters and their friends???