I'm not quite sure how we have landed here especially since the last week or so has been a complete blur. In addition to having Remington leave the fold, M1 returned from visiting her dad's on Sunday with the knowledge that his household had succombed to a stomach bug. We took every precaution and I'd like to think it did help some. However, M1 has not been to school once this week. She only threw up once, however, and for this Mom, that is a triumph. We have been Lysoling like fools and I'm hopeful that bug took the hint. [Knock on anything even remotely wooden].
Even after all the loss and dark moments for us, we continue to show signs of having hope. My husband and I have not actually said it out loud in so many words, but I know he hopes the vet will call with non-family life altering care needed by Remington so that he can come home. I have not completely given up hope, I guess, because even though I doubt that will be the case, I can't bring myself not to believe he'll be able to have a decent quality of life. M2 asks daily if Remington will come back and M1 cries every now and again being reminded of things about the little guy. We're quite a crew. I suppose I should be impressed that after everything of the last couple years, we even wanted to spice up the house a little bit with a puppy and that we pretty quickly have rallied around the idea of him not being gone forever. This gives me hope that if Remington can't come home, we won't be morally opposed to the idea of trying again with another pup who needs a home and having a chance to fulfill the application requirement of "12-15 years" of commitment.
The cynic in my says, "Go on. Keep your hopes up for another week or so when his tests come back and then have an even longer plummet when they are dashed." The closet optimist in me tells the cynic to shut his trap.
Time will tell. The waiting is usually the hardest part, but I have found that the actual knowing can be pretty sucktastic too, especially when you cannot do anything to change an outcome. Yeah. I'm kind of into controlling destinies and all that, so having zero control royally peeves me to no end.
Work is kicking my rear end. I went from scaling back my hours a bunch so I didn't hit 1000 by the end of the year to being told I can work as many hours as I like. I spread my time between two departments and I'm teaching a section of a bar preparation course this semester. I love every single thing I do. Things I do have a tendency to pile up, however, and I find myself feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. I think it will remain this way until at least March 17 when the standardized professional responsibility exam is administered. I'm tasked with working with retakers for that exam which involves weekly, individualized meetings. I also have three or four other students I meet with individually on a weekly basis for the semester. That and my nearly 50 person class would be plenty, but there is always some other interesting thing to try and tackle. I love my job and working with the students; I just wish my mental/interal drive would reboot and launch so that I could go gangbusters.
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