I frequently read a blog that encouraged us to write our love story...maybe even in installments. There are so many things I'd love to able to write about today, but I simply cannot. Not yet. So, until then, I'm writing this.
Half my life ago, I was young. I sang at a friend's wedding. I didn't know how to find the reception hall from the church. A mother of a notoriously ill-mannered boy offered her son's services to accompany me in my car to the reception. As I took a breath to answer, someone stepped up beside me and said, "Are you ready to go?" I turned to see my then friend, now husband, smiling mischieviously at the rescue mission he'd just effectuated.
Later that night, I asked him that question before I planted a big birthday kiss square on his lips (subtle I'm not).
Half my life ago, I didn't realize that question, "Are you ready to go?" would become somewhat a theme of our relationship.
Three years later when I was 21, when he was ready to marry and I wasn't, I answered that question, "Yes" and rather than going with him, I went in the opposite direction.
Almost a decade, a marriage a piece, and a child later, he stood at my door again and asked. This time, when I said, "Yes" I walked out the door with him for pizza and a movie and the rest was history.
Half my life ago, I knew better than to go in the opposite direction, but I didn't listen. Now, I trust myself more. I'm not as dumb as I act sometimes.
Nearly six-and-a-half years ago, he asked me that question again as we prepared to take the big walk down the aisle. I told him I'd meet him at the front of the church and not to be late...we both made it on time.
Five years ago, before the sun even rose, the question popped up again as we headed to the hospital to see what was keeping M2. Over 24 hours later, when she was FINALLY ready to join us, I realized that although I might want to think more carefully about how I answer that question in the future, sometimes God has other plans.
Four years ago, after the parties, parades, and pictures, he asked me that question and although I said, "No," I wasn't making the decision. I wasn't ready to go and I wasn't ready for him to go. But he went one direction and I went the other and months later, our paths crossed again. Once again, a party, a parade and pictures and I couldn't say "Yes" fast enough when he asked if I were ready to go.
It's hard sometimes. When you look around and realize that if anyone deserves to have a gut-wrenching, ear-piercing, heart-breaking come apart, it's you and yet, that damned question.
You promised yourself after the lesson learned half a life ago that if he ever asked you again, you'd always answer, "Yes." You're not about letting people down. You treat adversity like a competitive sport. You have found yourself, on more than one occasion, the lone person standing on her own two feet while others crumble in the chaos...surveying the scene, moving quickly, taking no prisoners.
Such is life sometimes.
Such is life now.
So, yeah, I guess I'm as ready to go as I ever will be.