I spent the evening developing an up-close and personal relationship with property homework...it's like speaking a foreign language, but I'm getting closer to understanding it. Not in the "I speak this language so fluently, I'm like a native!" understanding, but more in the "I can ask where the bathroom is" kind of way...you know...functional illiteracy.
Of course, toward the end of the reading, I buzzed around the blogosphere to reward my diligence and happened upon a posting from Heidi at Euphoric Reality that will more than likely keep me awake not only tonight, but many nights to come.
It's no secret I have 2 daughters of my own and as I read Heidi's review of the book, I imagined the horror of watching my children go through these things. I imagined my stubborn and persistent youngest reaching for the water she wanted so badly, even in the face of imminent danger and death. And, well, the other things are so awful, I quickly pushed those from my mind because I'm truly not mentally stable enough at this juncture in my day to allow those kinds of thoughts into my mind.
I hate sometimes when it is dark. And quiet. And, I'm alone with my thoughts because a lot of times, my thoughts scare the hell out of me. I look at my children who sleep peacefully in their beds and the weight of the responsibility of their care and health and wellbeing sits heavily on my heart and on my shoulders. I'll go out on a limb and say that I'm sure mothers the world over, since the beginning of time have borne that weight, but I will also venture a guess that this time in our world's history is much different than any other.
Scholars can argue about when it began, but you and I both know evil has been around longer than any of us can wrap our mind around it. The difference with evil today is that it is walking around freely, proudly and resolutely in the form of jihadists and Islamic terrorists. Hide your head in the sand all you want, but those folks have an entirely different outlook on life and why they are here than even the most aetheistic among us. Where we raise our children to aim high, love life and be good people, these folks are raised to consider death for the cause the highest form of honor and that taking down as many infidels (that's you & me, gang) between them and their dirt nap is the only worthy goal.
I remember thinking when September 11 occurred that M1 would never remember living in the America I did, but somewhere inside I held onto the hope that it wasn't a permanent shift. But, when I was pregnant with M2 I realized that there was no turning back for us in our nation...we were headed down a different path.
I so get the desire to sell the house, pack up the car, move to the mountains and never come down. I used to think people who did that were a little coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, but now, I totally get it. Unfortunately, this is one of those times when hiding away isn't going to cut it, I'm afraid.